so yesterday my old maid, cici, came over to my house to visit. i had a nice long chat with her, updating each other about our lives. turns out she found a nice indonesian guy and they've been seeing each other for almost a year already and she plans to go back to indonesia and get married once she's done with one more year of working with this brazilian family. but the best thing is, she intends to continue studying. she needs to go through 3 years of high school first which she is willing to after which she will pursue her studies at a university. as she was telling me this i felt an immense pride for her and her dreams and her patience. i know she's had to go through a lot with her family, and her father being sick. and to think that at her age and in her situation she still has found motivation to continue studying has just made me respect her so much more than i already have. and it makes me thankful for what i have. i pray hard all goes well for her.

sitting at the library now forcing myself to mug. i miss dance A LOT. okay so i did do a bit of dancing for kusumawangi but that was only a little and it has far from satisfied my itchy feet. went with fazli to toa payoh cc that day to watch era rehearse for their item for festival tari serumpun and i am SOOO jealous because the dance is so nice and i could be dancing for it if not for my exams!!! i cannot cannot wait for exams to be over. i need to feel the excitement of being in a dance studio and immensing myself in the movement. although i do many a time face the wrath of cikgu osman because of my unsatisfactory technique or agility, i feel most at peace when i am dancing. best feeling in the world.

i am in school now mugging (obviously i am currently distracted) and i have been in school since yesterday. this is how much i am lacking in a social life at the moment. being in the library til 7.30am in the morning together with other no-lifers (a.k.a hazi, hidayat, latiff and mardi...lol) does not spell fun at all. it's okay. 9th of may. the end of hell and the beginning of freedom.

lately i've been finding myself counting down to june. it's a funny mix of emotions. happiness, excitement, anxiety, uncertainty, anticipation...all meshed up into one. it's scary, not knowing what lies ahead but i think should stop thinking about what will happen in the future and just live in the moment. because it is the now that is makes me smile and want to stay up well into the wee hours of the morning and sacrifice my beauty sleep. haha.

okay back to mugging.

=)

omg this is the time when i start to panic. 2 weeks to exams and i havent studied. so i thought after kusumawangi i could go all out but now i have 3000 word essay to do by monday which is really draining all motivation and joy out of me. i dont understand the logic of giving an essay deadline so close to exams.

zu should stop complaining and do something. *slaps*

time to do all nighters in school it seems. by the way thank you sufie hattareena for buying me maggie goreng for dinner yesterday. you are the BEST. *renjis-renjis dipilis*

hidayat owes us late night durian trip. and i owe him petrol money.

OMG EXAMS IN 2 WEEKS ARGH!!!

okay this was a super pointless entry of which you might have wasted your past 2mins reading. i apologise. my thoughts are incoherent at the moment.

off to work now. i miss hearing the loud high-pitched cries of "MISS ZEE!"

i am missing everyone already.

it's finally over. Kusumawangi. i wouldnt say that the whole experience has been a good one. there were many times where i ALMOST felt regret joining the team, there were times where i felt so bogged down by so many things that i just felt like screaming and tearing my hair out. there were times where i wondered why put so much into it in the first place, what would i gain?

friendship.

the reason the whole pementasan experience was worthwhile was all because of the people that were involved and the friendship i forged with them. i cant believe i wont be seeing much of them anymore. no more rehearsals at as7. no more watching the cast have hilarious blooper moments like "siape bunuh kopi tu?!". no more free rides home from dilz and andi. no more bitching sessions in the car. no more havoc lorry rides (winks at kusufie). no more late night fong seng "coz that's what artistes do". no more sleepover at as7. no more andi, azmil and khairul (i miss them already!). no more shopping at old marsiling and ikea and salvation army. no more wati, herman, wak leman, bu ratna, bu ani, dr. faruk, haryana, kartini, ratno, haji romli, jonet, arjuna and kusumawangi. no more excitement. no more adrenaline rush. no more fun.

having said that, i'd like to thank these people:

BFF - i know throughout the months i've been super busy and i have the tendency to neglect people. i just wana say that i am so thankful to have you in this whole experience with me. it made the good times more meaningful and the bad times more bearable. love ya to bits.

Sufie - or kusufie? haha. thanks fie, really for everything. i am so glad i had the chance to work with you on set for the production. i know i might have pushed a lot of the work to you, namely because i cannot draw for nuts and because marketing was a shit job. but that's no excuse. thank you for being such a darling to work with. above all, i felt i got to know you better thoughout the months of working with you and i'm grateful for it. you're one of the loveliest people i've ever met. here's to many many more. let's start planning for post production party! ;P

Dilz - what can i say dilz, you're the best. the sweat and blood you put in for this production is amazing. is unbelievable. i know a lot of people have given you a lot of shit and made things hard for you but you were strong and you faced it and you did well sweetheart. now it's time for you to kick back, relax and take time off (maybe do that after exams, heh). thank you for sending me home on so many occasions and for buying all of us food and snacks (cheetos!). and thank you for making everything happen. you were the one that pulled it together, along with khalid and laila. be proud of yourself girlfriend.

Laila - thank you for writing a FANTASTIC script. our success, is all mostly you. you took on so many jobs and you took a lot of shit from people as well. i have so much respect for you and your ideas so dont ever doubt yourself and continue being the creative genius that you are. Kusumawangi would not have happened without you, literally. well done lailatron.

Khalid - the person whom i think a lot of people love to hate and hate to love. i know at times people might take you for granted and might have said and done things which might have hurt you. i apologise if i was one of them. your passion for the team and the production itself was what pushed everyone. thank you.

Atiqah Fariuz - i dont what i'd do without you. you made the last few days leading towards the production day especially so much more fun and less stressful. the last week leading to D-Day was so difficult for me especially with regards to tickets and marketing and despite having your own things to worry about you helped me out, you came with me to meet sponsors and settle tickets. you were a great support atiqah. thanks so much for everything babe.

the cast - EXCELLENT job everyone. one of the most talented bunch i've ever seen. not to mention crazy. it was a blast working with you guys.

the crew - the logs ppl, shab and irah. hardly get the limelight but without them backstage would be chaotic. thank you lovely people.

to the rest, like ilsa for dancing for us, and hidayat for being a cool soundman and for driving us ard to meet sponsors, thank you.

Kusumawangi, chapter closed.


back to reality now. exams coming. i'm suddenly wishing to turn back time.

with that, i leave you with one of my most favourite lines in the play:

"APEEE?!" *with elastic suck cock face*

=D

i am doing everything else except start on my essay due tomorrow. this brings my degree of prorastination to a whole new level.



the thing that makes waking up early on a saturday morning worthwhile (most times):

my darling kinder class minus tara and niki

tasha and leila...arent they just the cutest?

the torn amongst the roses, ryan.

heartbreaker this one.




my p1s, lance and jovi. as you can see, they're very shy.




they drive me crazy these kids, yet you cant help but love'em.