my internet is down and it's making me feel quite handicapped. i guess i'm so used to going online every night that now not being able to is making me feel quite awkward.

i havent been getting enough sleep these past few days and it's all contributing to my ever worsening eye bags and dark circles. i look like a walking zombie now. and it's not like i've studied much either. which brings me to the topic of yesterday maths pre-prelim exam. i am so pissed i cannot even begin to explain how. so they made a big deal out of this exam, i was quite annoyed that they had to give us the lecture test and this exam one after the next within two weeks coz they should be letting us have the time to ourselves to study for prelims...but never mind. i studied anyway. and stressed over it. i spent days worrying about not having enough time to study, and about failing yet another maths paper. i endured my cramps and stayed back til 6pm just to sit for it. and what happened? they didnt even collect our freaking papers! ugh! i cant believe i disrupted all my study plans to mug for that piece of shit and they didnt even bother to collect and mark it! i swear i was about to burst into tears when i heard. i've said it to rini and i'll say it again here, it's so freaking unfair. i now have to mug for 10 lit books and i only have 2 weeks to do that. somebody put a bullet through my head now.

take me away on a magic carpet ride...take me far far away...

oh my god the pressure of A levels is boring down on me and i feel so suffocated. people seem to think i've lost all hope in passing maths, including myself. i wish i could just fall into a dreamless sleep for a very long time and wake up only when november ends. i wonder how others can do it, can be so calm and sure of themselves, and produce the results effortlessly.

less talk more action zu.

was watching oprah just now and a family who lost the father to the 9/11 attacks was featured. i really have the fullest respect for people with problems who go up there on national television to talk about it. they voluntarily expose themselves to the world with the intention of seeking help from oprah or to share with the world what they've been through and how others can learn from their situation. especially for those who havent fully dealt with their emotions, going on the show might open up old wounds and they might have to explore new feelings that they never thought they had, exposing their vulnerability and their weaknesses to everyone. i used to think that these people were just hungry for attention but oprah doesnt just call up any tom, dick or harry to feature in her show. these are people with real problems and real emotions, and have a real need to be helped. and for them to go on tv and talk it out and lay their hearts out on the table so that they can try and figure out a way to overcome their obstacles or to dig up old painful memories to share with other people shows that unlike the rest of us, these people take their problems head on, they admit the fact that they have these weaknesses and are not afraid to seek help or solace. i guess ultimately the people who are most honest to themselves come out the happiest and the most fulfilled.

lake house was just okay. nice sweet and romantic but it didnt pull at my heart strings as much as how i expected it to be. maybe i expected too much. expectations...the root of all disappointments.

i had a dream last night that i was giving this really cute guy some attitude because he pissed me off and he apologised to me by going down on one knee and serenading me. SIGH. that will always and forever remain a dream.