i am sitting in my room in the dark now while waiting for my parents to come home and settle the problem of this power shortage in my house. apparently the power got cut coz the PUB bill hasnt been paid. seriously, cutting our power without any notification? i am going to be melodramatic here and say that this is a violation of our rights! electricity is a necessity and to take it away coz we havent paid our bills AND without notifying us is just outrightly heartless. i mean it's not like we can run away from paying our bills, we're just delaying it coz not everyone is born with a silver spoon in their mouths you know, people do have problems. so anyway the first thing i did when i got home and realised i couldnt switch anything on was to call my mum and whined and complained. haha wow zu, very brave and commendable. now i know for sure that if i were to join survivor i will not make it...in fact i wouldnt even qualify to be a survivor contestant in the first place...the producers would probably take a look at my reaction to this situation and laugh.

on a sadder note, the mother of an old classmate of mine just passed away. my condolences to her and her family. i hope they'll cope and do fine. but wow, to lose a parent...i really need to wake up and appreciate my parents more coz it's no longer the age where i hear of friends losing their grandparents...friends are losing parents, and friends are getting married and having kids. i'm really no longer a kid anymore. it's sad if you think about it really. we're all growing up so fast, too fast. some of us have to deal with tragedies and situations before we're really even ready to face them. but really what's important is if we all have a good support system or another, whether it's friends or family. we need somebody to catch us when we fall. i think the worst feeling in the world is loneliness, feeling like there's nobody for you to turn to for a hug or a shoulder to cry on.

ah well. that's life. i'm grateful that i at least have a loving family and wonderful dependable friends. i hope none of them will leave me anytime soon.

okay i should probably go study for ms now. i really cannot wait for next wednesday...exams over and it'll be time to partaaayyyy...

"But as tough as wanting as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are those who dont know what they want." - Grey's Anatomy.

the reason why i am blogging now is because i am finding every excuse there is possible to avoid taking my notes out of my bag to study.

sitting in central library now ALONE. sad yes, i know. ah well this is how uni life has turned out to be. gone are the days when you see your friends and classmates around in school everyday. now, if i'm lucky i just might bump into some friend or acquaintance ive made in these past few months.

anyway yesterday i performed for ASEAN Summit 2007 at Swiss Hotel. it was supposed to be exciting and crazy and a once in a lifetime experience for me but i just couldnt enjoy it as much as i should because it just had to come at the most inappropriate time. when my exams are next week and i was supposed to be mugging, i was at rehearsals, which might i add, were a total waste of time because i was only involved in one item that barely lasted 5 mins and we hardly rehearsed for that one. i mean i was grateful to be involved in only that item because i wanted to concentrate on studying but i ended up having to go for all the rehearsals which made no difference for me in the end. aaand i just HAD to screw up my steps during the performance...such a simple item of mostly posing and i could still get it wrong, fantastic. but oh well it wasnt so bad in the end. i managed to catch a few close up glimpses of taufik as he passed through the girls' changing room, and i got to watch some really great performances last night. and yeah, who wouldnt want to be part of such a prestigous event right...aside from the above complaints, i am thankful.

i'm wondering whether i should go to tanjong pinang with the other dancers end of this year. i want to but there's that issue of whether my parents would allow it and of course money money money. which reminds me...NANI, i really hope our project ZnP works out okay. it has to. it's the one thing i'm living for right now seriously. we need some major excitement after such a draining semester, plus, we are so IN we need this kick-ass project to prove it. =)

okay zu stop PROCRASTINATING and GO STUDYYYY!

omg zu take a chill pill can. God did i really come across as being over eager...this is so freaking embarrassing really. OMG OMG OMG. ugh so frustrated with myself. i can be such an idiot sometimes. i think people would probably be laughing at my silliness. omg so malu...ugh...


okay less depressing entries soon.


dont worry about me. i'm not all emo shit. it's only that time of the month. haha.

it came. it happened. it went.

didnt take long for me to get my answer. i guess i wasnt special enough to hold on to.

oh well. cnt think of anything else to say except, ouch.

i dont really know what to think or feel already. everytime i find happiness something just comes in the way. the first time i admit was my own fault and doing, but this time it's something else, something that i cannot get involved in because it's not my business and because i dont have a history, i'm just the one getting in the way, the third party. all i can do is wait here anxiously hoping the end result will go in favour of me. but what if it doesnt...i wonder what they're saying abt me, if they're saying anything...

i havent danced in a while. maybe i should go and let lose. it'll be the only thing that'll keep me sane and give me peace of mind amidst all this confusion.