Tuesday, January 31, 2006
yayyy back to blogger!
i never really understood livejournal...i know this skin is alittle plain and boring but i like the colours and i guess it'll do until i find a nicer one... :)
sooo anyway i'm hoping there's perfect attendance for dance and dikir practice tmrw but i doubt it. i just hope most of them come coz we really have loads to do.
sometimes i wish i was a much stronger person, emotionally that is. i dislike confrontations because i simply dont want trouble with anybody. i get extremely worked up even when i have the slightest most trivial trouble with friends. i find it hard to say no to anybody or raise my voice at anybody (except my little bro, i think he's the only one who has seen a monstrous me...). i try hard to be nice to everyone, even people i dont necessarily like and i always hope they like me. i guess the reason why i keep things to myself sometimes is because i'm afraid of what people will think of me. i hate myself for feeling that way...why the hell should i care about what people think of me...and not everyone likes a people-pleaser...but the thing is i do care about what people think of me...very much...too much...and the thought of anybody hating me or being angry at me or whatever is just...i dont know...i hate it...i'm not strong enough to deal with anything like that...which sucks. i admire those people who can easily say what they feel, who can be firm, who are not easily persuaded. why cant i be more like them?
it's weird reading back my past entries...especially stupid emo self-reflective ones like this...tsk3 *shakes head* i hate myself sometimes...
sheer elegance-
