today there was Rewang 'Nak Tari practice at eunos cc with musicians and stuff. had to go in place of shasha but thankfully she turned up and spared me the embarrassment of making a fool out of myself. i've been deemed slow and i get what my problem is but i dont know how to correct it. when i dance i feel as if my reaction time is fine but it seems that people see otherwise. it's quite frustrating because i'm trying my best. cant seem to be particularly good at anything at all.

on a lighter note today proved to be quite a fun day. after practice at eunos cc we went to have dinner at a nearby shop called "Niakmath" which totally cracked me and asri up coz of the way i pronounced it..you know in the kind of thick arabic accent. i'm sucha retard sometimes. went on then to play bowling. we had a little competition between ourselves. i pitied the team i was in coz i so sucked!(told you i'm not good at anything...) seriously i was never this horrible when i went bowling before. not that i know exactly how to bowl a ball but i could at least manage to aim straight and not always longkang-ing. but abg anuar took the liberty of coaching me and i improved a little after that. kudos to abg ain, abg anuar and abg arif for being the highest scorers and leading our team to victory despite my unimpressive score!

managed to get a quick bite after that before cabbing home and so here i am now. honestly i think "procrastinator" should be my middle name coz i'm out every day til late at night doing mindless things actually while i know i have things to prepare for my classes next week. perhaps at the back of my mind i'm being complacent and thinking i can manage to teach a grp of P4s for five days without preparing much. i'll so be kicking myself in the butt if there were some smart ass in my class who'll ask me some random question that i would be unable to explain.

speaking of work, my money from acropolis has come in but my mum has taken more than half of it again to pay bills. not that i dont want to help or anything. i do want to help my parents cope with our financial situation but at the same time it's furstrating because it's a lot of money she's borrowing and she hasnt replaced a single cent yet. i mean the money i earn is not only for me to spend for myself but i wana save for my future plans to travel. i knw it sounds selfish but at the same time, aside from food at home i depend solely on myself finacially i dont ask a single cent from them anymore not to pay my bills not to top up my ez-link card not to buy anything. but i guess now is not the right time to be thinking about myself.

oh well i just hope things will get better soon.

okay there better not be any more problems with my blog anymore...it's sucha pain changing templates really...

omg so nani and i were just discussing a trip to KL in july just before school starts...i really hope it will happen i so so wana go somewhere before i'm doomed to hit the books again for another few years. okay so a trip to KL isnt exactly what i had in mind when i dreamt of travelling the world but it's a start...plus if i could do some shopping before school starts it'll be great. sigh...i hope i hope i hope! oooh i should draw up a list.

the things I THINK i need (or rather i want...) to get before school starts:
- a good pair of pumps or sandals...or both
- a jacket/sweater
- a few more t-shirts/casual tops
- a new pencil case and stationery (stationery shopping is LOVE...poppy come back soon so we can go!)
- a notebook...
- a new hair-do!

sigh i dont know why i think of shopping at the times why i have the least means to do so...plus i can be super impulsive when i go shopping alone...this i have just realised. i must always have another person's opinion, usually to tell me that it's not worth it and that i can get a better deal or spend the money better elsewhere, because honestly i am hopeless when it comes to these things and i'll get sudden uncontrollable urges to just make a purchase without thinking twice. and my biggest weakness...SHOES. omg someone has to keep me away from charles & kieth before i buy out the whole shop. i ADORE the shoes there.

oh well.

perhaps i'm being overly sensitive, or maybe self-indulgent. but i think it's pretty clear. i'm not in the picture anymore. whether i was pushed out, or whether i walked out myself, that's up to every individual's interpretation of the situation. everything's cool on the surface, but yeah, who the fuck are we kidding...look deeper and you'll find that things are far from okay. maybe it's what's best. or not. it's partly my fault. but i'm tired of being misunderstood.

i need to be patient. more importantly i need to learn to be tough and not let small things get to me, break me down. please God, give me strength.

it's been a super long while and all coz of losing my internet. now i'm stuck with dial-up which sucks big time but what to do...

honestly i had no mood to blog anyway during the month i was without the internet. life's been the same. recently had the S7 GEM camp under acropolis and it was a blast bringing the kids around and getting them all fired up and enthusiastic. my p3 group won which was great coz they're sucha an intelligent and lively bunch it's unbelievable really. GO EAGLES WHOOO!

i think a lot of people have been taking my patience for granted lately, both friends and family. and this has been making me more and more impatient. and every time i feel the need to blow up and make a fuss about something i think twice because it's not in my character and people would just think i've changed. and the last time i checked, when zu changes, she drives some of her friends away. people say to me it's not good to keep things to yourself but when i show i'm pissed off people say they dont like it...so yeah, tell me, what do i do then?