ooh cant wait for kak wir to bring victoria secrets splash back for me and those who oredered frm her. i cant believe they're only 10 bucks. i bought 3 bottles, me being a typical singaporean but i'm glad to knw i'm not that bad.

i've realised some things about myself. actly i've realised quite a long time ago but i'm only really admitting it now. i'm a big whiner. i complain abt a lot of things. i complain abt work, i complain abt dance, i complain abt my parents, i complain abt some of my friends, i complain abt complaining. and the people who have to put up with these petty complaints of mine are my poor friends namely fazli and nani, and sometimes rani and sharini. sorry guys if i annoy the shit out of you sometimes. it's a habit i'm comig to terms with now and i'm going to try to stop.

another thing is that i'm not independent. i hate being alone no matter where i am. for example now, i'm sitting alone in the staff room and i hate it, i need to be ard somebody, talk to somebody. i dnt like going anywhere alone and doing things alone. in fact i sometimes get nervous when i have to do things alone. this problem however i am slowly but surely correcting. i'm learning not to be sucha wuss now and do things on my own because i cant always have friends ard all the time to keep me company now that everyone is busy with their own lives. it's ironic though when my parents want to accompany me somewhere or offer to help me with something i'd refuse and would rather do it alone. i think with my parents i'm more of wanting to prove to them that i'm very capable of takig care of myself.

ah yes and one more thing is that i can never say no to somebody, be it a close friend or a new acquaintance. in other words, i'm a people pleaser. sometimes i dnt even like doing the things people ask me to do, or i dont have the time to do it, but i do it anyway. then i start complaining. i was watching pepper dennis on channel 5 just the other day and Kathy's desire to please people makes her just somebody's doormat. i dnt knw, i just dnt have the heart to say no. i need to toughen up. yes, i'm a big wuss. i need to shed all this self-conciousness and be bold enough to say no when the circumstances in which i'm in doesnt suit me doing favours for people. i dont want to be a doormat.

wow i cnt believe the concert is next friday. my techniques are like far frm perfect it's making me rather nervous. it's like when i was still just learning the steps i secretly wished i'd be chosen to dance in at least 1 item but now that i'm dancing i feel like i shouldnt be coz i'm just spoiling the image of era. maybe i'm being too self-concious or paranoid but everytime i step into pa i wonder what the seniors, namely the girls, are thinking about me...i imagine thoughts like "does she really think she can dance?" or "omg i cant believe we have to put up with this kinda shit..." going through their minds. which i guess shouldnt be put against them coz i mean it is their concert and they'd want it to be perfect and flawless which is frankly far frm what the juniors, or rather i am giving them.

sighs...oh well i guess i shouldnt be complaining right. i've been given this opportunity i have to at least try my best and give my 110%.

work has been great. the best thing abt it now is that i work lesser hrs and i still earn almost the same every month if i were to do relief teaching. i was hoping to get more assignments frm acropolis but i'm quite happy with just teaching at bukit timah at the moment coz frankly...kids are cute but dealing with them too often will shorten my lifespan. i went to relief a drama cls at st.andrew's junior today and the kids are soooo cute! omg they are such smartie pants...one boy was so blatant in telling "miss zee it's getting boring. we should play a game." like who's the teacher here? haha but they are such darlings. as energetic as they were i had a less difficult time handling them as compared to my bukit timah kids even though they're all boys. i have 2 tuition jobs, or rather 3 if i consider the 2 siblings as 2 separate jobs. and i'm going to relief at admiralty (again...) for the next 2 weeks so i foresee a sizable increase in my monthly income for the next few months to come. YAYY for having a job. :D

i just realised my past few entries have mostly been about work and dance. a thousand apologies to friends who come by to read and find it sucha bore but yeah...my life has been pretty much work and dance lately. i hardly even have time for family anymore. honestly i miss my dad a lot. even though we live under the same roof it's like i havent seen him in the longest time, coz he leaves for work before i'm up and he'll be sleeping before i'm back home. my parents dnt really say much abt our problems they try to put up a positive front and go about life as if nothing is tying them down but yeah i knw what's going on and it worries me. i guess there's nothing much i can do abt it except help my mum in anyway i can in terms of housework now that cici is not around anymore (i miss her tons!), not that it's any easy considering i really think my mum suffers frm OCD and she's impossible to please! i think very soon i have to contribute financially. or perhaps take up the responsibility of saving up for my future education so at elast that's one less burden they have to carry on their shoulders.

on a lighter note...i miss poppy! it's like i suddenly dnt receive that many testimonials and comments on friendster anymore(pathetic yes...) and it's so quiet and uneventful without her...poppy wherever you are i hope you're well and having the time of your life. hope to see you back soon and dnt forget to bring home hot aussies! :D

havent found any inspiration to blog lately. life's been pretty much a cycle mostly revolving around work and dance.

latest excitement was watching PHANTOM OF THE OPERA! omg the sets were breathtaking, not that i could see the full splendour of it coz i had the balcony seat which was realy at the side of the stage. it didnt help that the stage was so deep and i could only see a quater of it. fun thing was that fazli and i got the balcony all to ourselves and he could do all the singing-along he wanted. omg how i wish i had the money to buy VIP tix and go watch it again! i should have known better and just invested on a more expensive ticket coz it is so so worth it.

dance has been okay. mostly do the same thing everytime i go and that is practise for inang lenggok. i never seem to get my techniques right. just hope i dont ruin the whole dance for everybody during the actual day.

my last day (AGAIN) at admiralty was yesterday. kinda happy to have the break, though i am so in need of the money. it was fun sitting in the hod room no matter how lonely it got sometimes. like you really see the other side of the teachers you once thought were a bore and did not have any sense of humour whatsoever. like yday diana goh and shirley wee were discussing about men and image and loving men in uniform, they sounded like teenage girls just going through puberty, and mr ong was so hilarious making fun of himself and his shall we say, chubbiness. hahaha. i'm gonna miss them. more so than my kids i think surprisingly.

social life has been the usual. herrick's really helping me find guys in his camp. sucha darling. i miss fyda and i miss my 05A3 bitches. candice is flying off on monday i'm gonna miss that cuckoo. she brought me ice-skating (my first time) the other day for my birthday, rather late i have to say but one of the best days i've had lately i have to say. poppy never fails to make my days brighter. i miss going out with bestie. this thing between us bothers me to no end but i dnt knw what to do abt it.

oh well.