as much as it hurts i guess i'm glad she told me how she really feels. it was a huge weight lifted off her chest and i'd hate for her to continue pretending and lying to me, all the while getting hurt herself.

maybe she's right, one can never have too many best friends. look where i am now. i cant have one without hurting the other. i hate myself for hurting her that much and not even have realised it. perhaps i took her for granted.

i had a lot of things to say to her, since we were deep into an honest open conversation i wanted to come clean and tell her the times where ive felt hurt and i felt like ive lost my best friend. but i just couldnt. or maybe i didnt want to. i didnt want her to hate me even more or stray further away. actually she's right, i'm the one who strayed. i realise that now but it's too late. i failed to let her know through my actions how much she means to me. perhaps i thought she understood.

it's not that i dont feel comforted around her. i've just grown to needing both around for comfort. saying that i need different things from different people makes me sound like a horrible person. i guess that's who i've become. a lousy person and a lousy best friend.

to her we are merely good friends now. but i cannot see her as anything else except a best friend. despite what she thinks she is still my best friend. you might think i'm being selfish and greedy in wanting both. i guess i was. perhaps i dont deserve either of them. that'll teach me not to neglect people i love.

i have to thank yana for being her shoulder to cry on and for being there for her when she truly needed a friend and i could not be the one because i caused all of this. really yana, thank you.

chingay update and photos later once ive collected photos frm everyone.

meanwhile...

i did the same personality test nani did and here's what i found out about myself.

apparently i am an ENCOURAGING DREAMER.

i guess the test is quite accurate and it says under things that i can be different about is being bold and take action rather than just dream. it also says while i can be encouraging i can also be judgemental so that's something to think about.

the think that attracted me most though was the percentages. apparently i'm 98% feminine, 0% masculine. haha. but more importantly, my confidence is a measely 8%. i know ive never really been a confident person but whoa, 8% is pathetic. and in fact i think i'm at the peak of my confidence at this point which means that my confidence level was probably zero at one point. those who know me well, what's hindering me? i guess some of you will ask me to reflect on my own and i'll find the answers i'm looking for. honestly if i delve deep enough i know i'll figure it out. but i'm afraid i might not like what i discover.

if for some reason you wish to see more of what my personality is like check my full report here...My Personal Dna Report. you guys should try it out. really makes you reflect.

so my last day at admiralty is finally here. actually not really coz i'll be coming back after the march hols to relief for 3 weeks...but yeah it's kinda of sad to be leaving my kids after being with them for 2 months. despite all the screaming and shouting at them, all the rude behaviour that's been thrown in my face, they are generally good kids, they're just playful and childish. but that's how they're supposed to be at that age. so yeah, i'm gonna miss them a lot. those cheeky faces and smiles and comments, those high pitched cries of "CIKGUUUU!"...haha.

omg and i had something small but a tad embarrassing thing happen to me yesterday that involved the cute teacher. sigh thank god i'm leaving but hopefully he'll still be around when i come back in march. i need eye-candy to keep me going! ;)

chingay preview later this evening. i'm excited and dreading it all at the same time. i'm so tired from lack of sleep but it's chingay! so yes i'm psyching myself up. =D

i miss 05A3!

omg today is a good day. i walked in to the GO this morning to sign in and i was greeted by the sight of a super cute relief teacher! finally some eye-candy at work. i hope he comes back for the next three days. sigh...

so yesterday was rather fun. went to watch epic movie with fazli. please do not waste your 9 plus bucks on that movie. i should have known better but yeah, dream girls tix were sold out so we settled for this crappy comedy. it was really funny at some parts but overall wasnt that fantastic. after that we went to visit fyda for a while after which we walked all the way to city hall. there was that singapore river hong bao thingy at the esplanade and there were lotsa things going on there including some kinda fun fair. fazli and i were so impulsive we bought 3 tokens each (which cost $15 altogether like wtf why are tokens so freaking expensive now...) and took this ride which looked fun and scary. it's some ride where you stand and you're only protected by a rubber strap in front of you and they spin you round and round at very high speed. i was super scared at first but after a while it got really fun and refreshing to just let our hair down and fly. funness.

chingay this weekend. i'm excited! friends please do come down and watch if you have the time. look out for the float with the sun and the moon and the clouds. that's us! =D

i'm off to to do some marking. oooh cute teacher alert!

OLE OLE OLE OLE...OLE...OLE...

OMG what a match...not that the lions played fantastically but the amount of stress they gave us during the entire 90 plus minutes was UNBELIEVABLE! seriously the defence line was horrible bin terrible. everyone was practically ball watching and giving possession away as if they were freebies! i was really appalled by the lack of drive the lions showed throughout the game. honestly only amri and noh alam shah seemed to be hungry for the cup while the rest looked like they were ready to come back home empty-handed. of course who better to save the day than darling khairul amri. was arguing with my mum at that point but when i saw the ball hit the back of the net all senses failed me and i just screamed. what a match.

sigh okay now back to mendak-ness. cant wait for chingay for some excitement. i really wonder how we're going to dance in costume. isnt it like physically impossible...we're...no I'M going to look like an idiot.

gpa dance is troubling my delicate brain now...what to do how to do when to do who to do...whatever it is it has to happen and i better try get something together soon...

SINGAPORE CHAMPS! EVERYBODY ROARRR!!!!!

dont laugh okay but candice and i love going groceries shopping together.

it's true. we're not ashamed of it.

cant wait for some poppy love. =D

eventful day.

started off with my kids giving me a super hard time at school i practically screamed at them at the top of my lungs and now i'm losing my voice. i've had enough. no more nice teacher. the moment they open their big mouths its 'off with their heads!'

so i just got back from watching the singapore vs thailand match at kallang. what an anti-climax. the win didnt even feel real. i think everyone left the stadium feeling rather shitty. all because of the lack of sportsmanship from the thai national team. bunch of sissies. seriously, whether you agree or disagree, ref's decision is final. you can curse and swear and spit at the ref for all i care but to protest and boycott? that's bullshit ah. i mean who the hell does that? it's childish. it's ridiculous. it really drained the spirit tonight. but at least we got good seats amongst the good crowd aka loud and uncouthed mats with funny comments amidst all that tapered pants.

my hands are starting to ich real badly again. fuck the people who invented black henna.

visit to granny's tomorrow is a MUST. the big momma has called and made known her unahppiness with regards to the decrease in number of visits to her humble abode recently. my sincere apologies madam.

what am i thinking? i'm thinking....i'm thinking....i'm thinking....

oh shit i'm thinking...