a huge huge pile of homework is sitting in my bag calling me to complete it but i cant seem to get my ass up and get anything done. what's new right...

i've been extremely happy and contented these past few days. had a nice late lunch with fazli today after school (the first time in many weeks that i actually saw the light of day when i left school!) and we caught up on things. with him it can be so wild and crazy, and other times, like this one, pleasant and peaceful. and yesterday i had the most wonderful time with the drama ppl at samar restaurant where ms kwok and mr ng treated all of us to a hearty dinner. yemeny food is absolutely fantastic, the setting and atmosphere was breathtaking, and the company was priceless. we stayed there from 5-9.30 pm just having a feast, playing games and sharing jokes. i'm so thankful i was part of all this. to think i once rejected the role. thank god for them not being able to find a suitable replacement. i would have missed out on so much, including the free food! ;p

on a less cheerful note, i know many people have noticed a huge change in me since my secondary school days, appearance and attitude wise. some think i've changed for the better, and some think i've changed for the worst. which one is it? have i become a horrible person? or am i still the same old zu? but then again why should i care about what ppl think? i hate it that i care so much about what others think of me. you know i'm so sick and tired of people saying i've changed and this and that. ok fine, i've changed. deal with it. i've always opened my heart to others, accept others no matter what flaws they have, dealt with the changes i've seen in others. i've never been a bitch to anyone who truly dont deserve it. if you receive bitch treatment from me, it means you're really bad. but that's besides the point. the point is that why cant others see the changes in me and just deal with it? if my treatment towards you hasnt changed, why cant you just treat me the same way you've always treated me, rgardless of how i've changed? i feel myself slowly growing as a person, creating my own identity, coming out of the shadows. please give me this chance to blossom, and not hide anymore. stop thinking that i'm dumb and i'll shut up even when you have a go at me. stop taking advantage of my patience. and above all stop thinking i've changed for the worst simply because i fight back when you throw shit at me.

i'm slowly dealing with my self-esteem issues. dont you dare spoil it for me.